


Love is A Healer

by Haven_Duck



Category: Last Tango In Halifax
Genre: Eventual Fluff, F/F, Friends to Lovers, Light Angst, Slow Romance, Trigger Warnings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-14
Updated: 2020-03-16
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:48:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23142709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Haven_Duck/pseuds/Haven_Duck
Summary: What could have potentially come of Gillian’s drunk confession to Caroline in Series 2 Episode 5.
Relationships: Gillian Greenwood/Caroline McKenzie-Dawson
Comments: 14
Kudos: 53





	1. Chapter 1

Possible trigger warnings for abuse ahead.

~

Gillian had long fallen asleep, the empty bottle of brandy on the coffee table in front of the couch helping to send the women into a seemingly deep sleep. Caroline’s eyelids were like dead weights, the muscles in her neck stretching almost painfully after hours of sitting on the uncomfortable couch as she twisted around to look at Gillian who lay fast asleep under a tattered old throw. 

Everytime Caroline felt as though she had managed to block out Gillian’s confession from just hours ago her gaze shifted back over to the women in question and the horrifying words swirled around her head yet again. 

The blonde could never in a million years even begin to imagine the constant fear Gillian had lived through. The questions kept on whirling around her head at a breakneck speed, question after question. 

‘Why tell me of all people?’

‘Why now?’

‘Did Alan know about the abuse?’ 

The headache that was coming over her was driving her insane but it was to be expected what with the multiple glasses of alcohol she had consumed paired with the stress she was feeling. Rather than risk possibly waking Gillian up by going through to the kitchen for a glass of water, Caroline tried to tame her sore head by rubbing at her temples.

Caroline’s attention shifted away from her headache as Gillian began to twist around restlessly at the throw, her legs tangling as she kicked it away from her body. The woman's face was scrunched up as though she was in pain, her breath stuttering as a tear ran across the bridge of her nose and bled into the fabric of the couch. 

It was a horrible sight, watching the women clearly distressed and yet Caroline didn’t quite know what to do. Being a mother she had witnessed and soothed her fair share of nightmares between Lawrence and William but neither of them had experienced the traumas Gillian had been through. Unsure of whether the brunette might lash out at being suddenly woken, Caroline listened to her gut instinct and quietly slid off the couch. 

Kneeling on the floor beside the couch, Caroline reached out to gently brush the hair out of Gillian's face but couldn’t hold in the yelp when the women’s hand darted out to tightly grip her wrist as her eyes snapped open. Caroline could instantly see the fear and sheer terror swirling in the farmers' eyes. As soon as Gillian realised what she was doing her grip on Caroline’s wrist immediately dropped, pulling her legs up towards her chest the brunette buried her head into her knees covering her face. 

Caroline could feel her heart breaking at the sound of Gillian’s heart wrenching sobs as she hid her face, her shoulders shaking violently as her fingernails dug into her shins nearly drawing blood. 

Reaching out hesitantly, the blonde let out a quiet sigh of relief when the brunette let her clasp their hands together. The sobs didn’t seem to be coming to an end anytime soon, if anything Gillian seemed to be working herself up even more.

It was as if Gillian was releasing years and years worth of raw pain and emotion and right now Caroline could tell the women was nearly on the verge of being either physically sick or having a serious panic attack and neither sounded particularly great. 

“Darling I really need you to take deep breaths, come on. Everything’s going to be alright.” Slipping her hands from Gillian’s, Caroline slid them along the farmers knees before resting them around the women’s neck. 

Stroking the soft hair she found at the nape of Gillians neck, Caroline pulled the women closer to her so their eyes locked onto one another. The piercing green eyes with fleck of brown were clouded over with tears and sadness.

The second her fingertip grazed over the scarred skin behind Gillian’s neck, Caroline felt the brunette immediately tense at the sensation. Moving her hand around to cup the women’s cheek, Caroline felt her own tears tumble down her cheeks without restraint. Gillian was hyperventilating, her chest moving at a rate that Caroline had never witnessed before in her life. 

“I can’t- I can’t b..breathe.” Gillians eyes were wide, like a deer caught in the headlights looking to Caroline as though she had all the answers. 

Taking a deep breath, Caroline grasped Gillian's face with her palms before leaning forward to press their lips together. For a second she felt the brunette yet again tense under her touch but soon enough Caroline noticed the women’s lips moving slowly against her own. 

The taste of salty tears upon Gillian's lips, Caroline couldn’t help but softly brush the stray tears away from the farmers cheeks as the women beneath her moved her own hands to desperately clasp at the blondes shoulders as though she was a lifeline. 

Slowly pulling away, Caroline rested her forehead against Gillians. Feeling the brunette's breath brushing against her upper lip, Caroline resisted closing the gap between them again as she closed her eyes for a moment. She didn’t know what came over her, the sudden idea to kiss her soon to be stepsister.

The second the idea came into her head she did it. She wasn’t even an impulsive person, being a Doctor of Science meant Caroline often took time and consideration before following through and making rash decisions. But obviously when it came to Gillian hyperventilating and nearly passing out all common sense seemed to fly out the window. She could tell herself it was to shock the women into breathing properly but deep down she knew she would be lying to herself.

Gillian cleared her throat lightly, licking her lips as she waited for some kind of response from the women crouching in front of her with her eyes still firmly shut over. 

Caroline could feel her heart racing wildly against her chest, a part of her wondered stupidly if Gillian would be able to hear it. The blonde was afraid to open her eyes, afraid of the anger and disgust she was sure she would be met with as soon as she fluttered her eyes open. 

The warmth of Gillian’s hands resting against her shoulder slipped away as the brunette pulled back slightly, one of the hands came to rest against her cheek and Caroline instantly felt herself leaning into the touch. 

“Caroline? Look at me, please.” At the sound of Gillian’s hoarse voice, Caroline gave into the women’s plea as her eyes softly fluttered open to be met with the farmers piercing green eyes that were swirling with so many emotions.

“You alright?” Caroline nodded her head softly at the women’s question as she brushed away at a stray tear that had managed to escape and fall down her face moments ago. 

“It should be me asking you that, not the other way around.” The two women shared a soft chuckle at Caroline's attempts to lighten the situation. 

Feeling a twinge in her knee, the blonde lightly grimaced as she reluctantly stood up breaking the contact between herself and Gillian. Gillians fingertips were lightly grazing over her lips, seemingly in a daze as she carried on staring straight ahead. Moving towards the kitchen, Caroline softly padded over towards the sink, her hands gripping the edge of the counter so hard her knuckles turned white. 

“Do you want a glass of water?” Caroline asked as she already began to pour the farmer a glass not waiting for a response, trying to compartmentalise the thoughts and feelings going around in her head. 

Kissing Gillian was the last thing she should have done. Caroline’s life was already a mess what with everything that had gone on with Kate and now all she had achieved was to more than likely make things awkward between herself and Gillian on top of that. Gillian who had just had a panic attack on the couch after admitting to murdering her abusive ex husband. 

Caroline couldn’t quell the anger she felt bubbling up inside herself. It really didn’t take a lot to get Caroline angry, being a teacher she had plenty of patience and yet the unbridled anger was unlike anything she had felt before. 

The admission was still playing around her head in a loop. It was the comment about the ‘humiliations’ that worried Caroline, when Gillian had said she wouldn’t bore her with explaining at the time Caroline was too shocked to reply. Now she wondered exactly what the farmer meant. She felt her heart ache as she glanced over her shoulder towards Gillian, the pain and suffering she had to endure and Caroline felt as if she had only been shown the tip of the iceberg. 

Walking back towards the couch, Caroline gently squeezed Gillian's shoulder as she walked passed immediately wanting to slap herself as she felt the woman jump underneath her touch. 

Gillian smiled softly as she took the glass from the blondes grasp, never taking her eyes off Caroline while she slowly slipped at the ice cold water. 

“You look shattered, should really try and get some more sleep.” Caroline whispered, her hand resting against Gillian’s knee as she lightly stroked at the bare skin under her fingertips. 

Watching as Gillian nodded her head softly in agreement, Caroline slid her jacket off before moving to sit on the couch beside the brunette, tucking her legs underneath herself as she positioned the throw over the two of them. Gillian seemed to take the hint as she made herself comfortable at the opposite end of the couch, hesitating before resting her legs on Caroline’s lap.

“We’ll talk more tomorrow, okay?” Gillian murmured in agreement, already halfway off to drifting asleep as her head settled in amongst the old tattered cushions behind her. Clearly the crying had taken everything out of Gillian, the brunette softly snoring away helping Caroline lull herself into following suit and closing her own eyes over. 

She meant what she said, the blonde knew tomorrow that Gillian would more than likely try to ignore what she had confessed earlier but there had to be a reason as to why she had blurted it out. Ten years had passed and yet she had chosen to confide in Caroline, confide her most darkest secret, laid herself bare to be seen and judged and now it was her opportunity to help the farmer face the inexcusable atrocities she had been subjected to. 

Caroline would be there for her whether Gillian liked it or not. 

~

Carry on or leave it there? Let me know!


	2. Giving The Control Back

Caroline had been surprised when she had woken that Gillian was still fast asleep on the couch beside her. The farmer was known to wake up at the crack of dawn every morning to tend to her sheep, every morning without fail and yet here she was merged into the sofa with her feet firmly wedged into the side of Caroline’s thighs softly snoring every few seconds.

Caroline was surprised that nobody had come barging into the house, normally whenever she phoned Gillian up the women had a never ending stream of visitors at the house. Not that she was complaining, she enjoyed the women’s company but even more so when she had her full attention.

It made a lot of sense, some of the more unsavoury decisions regarding the men that Gillian liked to make. After being restricted and controlled, Gillian was taking that control back. From personal experience she knew John was a pushover in the bedroom, probably why Gillian had found herself being attracted to the man in the first place. 

The one question that was at the forefront of Caroline’s head was whether Alan knew the extent of the abuse his daughter suffered. Was it a case of turning a blind eye? Caroline sorely hoped not but how couldn’t he have noticed? 

“Morning.” Gillian’s voice broke into her thoughts, the women’s toes shifting under her thighs as she moved to sit upright. 

Slipping her hand around Gillian's ankle, Caroline squeezed it gently in a silent greeting as she smiled over at the brunette.

“Sorry about last night. You shouldn’t have had to listen to my drunk ramblings. Can we just forget about it?” Watching as Gillian avoided eye contact staring down at her hands as she twisted a piece of thread around her finger, the blonde could already see the woman putting her guard back up again. 

The woman laying on the couch beside her looked completely worn down and yet Caroline couldn’t help but find her beautiful. There was something about Gillian, how she made you feel so welcome and special whenever she was around. Never mincing her words and cutting straight to the point, something which Caroline herself could easily relate to. Gillian was smart, something which Caroline wanted to slap herself for being so surprised about. 

One Monday night Caroline had ended up staying around at the farm after a family dinner, offering to help clear the dishes up; she had managed to shove University Challenge on the TV much to Gillian's dismay. 

The two women sat on the couch each with a glass of wine in hand but it wasn’t until midway through she noticed Gillian murmuring the occasional answer under her breath. Most were literature based questions which led Caroline to believe the woman was a lot more well read than she ever imagined. 

It was certainly attractive, the bashful way that she didn’t flaunt her knowledge in anyone’s face, blushing when Caroline quietly applauded her at the end of the programme. The next time they happened to be together on a Monday night, she was glad when Gillian didn’t just whisper her answers instead choosing to shout them out with a proud little smile on her face when she got them right. 

There was a lot more to Gillian that met the eye and Caroline was determined to break down the women’s walls that had been so carefully and highly built around herself. 

“Did your dad know what he was doing to you?” Caroline couldn’t resist tracing the soothing patterns on Gillian's ankle as she watched the brunette nervously bite at her bottom lip. 

The fact that Gillian didn’t answer the question immediately told Caroline everything she needed to know, her stomach twisting at the harsh reality. 

“I’ve always caused him trouble, that’s what he always used to say to me when I were a teenager. He was right really though. Marrying a man who liked to kick the living shite out of me for fun, great idea that one. I think.. I think it was just easier for me Dad to pretend everything was fine and that way I couldn’t embarrass him and Mum anymore than I already had done by leaving school and having Raff when I was so young.” Gillian struggled to get the words out past the lump in her throat as she harshly brushed away the stray tears that had fallen down her cheeks as though ashamed that she was crying again. 

The way Gillian tried to almost defend her father's actions almost made Caroline want to be sick. Years of being pushed down, clearly both mentally and physically had taken its toll on Gillian. At any given opportunity the brunette loved to put herself down, it was something that Caroline had noticed long before and had always irritated her but even more so now frustrated her knowing the reason behind it. 

“Pretend everything was fine? Is that some sort of joke? Your father stood by and let your husband use you as a personal punching bag and there’s nothing in the world that could justify that. I’m sorry but that is completely and utterly wrong on every possible level.” Caroline took a deep breath as her fingernails dug almost painfully into the palm of her hand, the pain distracting her from the anger she could feel brimming over inside herself. 

Caroline could see her words had upset Gillian. The brunette was hiding her face with her messy hair falling over her eyes but she could still hear the light sniffles coming from the women. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you again.” Caroline let out a sigh, the anger draining from herself as she shuffled along the couch before tugging Gillian to rest against her side. 

Lightly brushing her hand over the brunette's hair, Caroline felt the women begin to relax as her head rested gently on her shoulder. A comfortable silence fell over the two women, both lost in their own thoughts. 

Caroline couldn’t remember the last time she had been allowed the fortune of relaxing like this in the morning. Forever being dragged out of bed by either one of her sons or John or even Kate as of late. For a moment Caroline found her eyes almost sagging shut again, the comfort nearly pulling her back into the land of sleep.

“Why did you kiss me?” Gillian's whisper broke into the silence and for a moment Caroline almost found herself blurting out a secret of her own but managed to stop herself before she completely alienated herself from the farmer. 

“I thought it might shock you enough into helping you breathe properly. I’m sorry if I’ve made you feel uncomfortable.” Caroline’s voice wavered slightly towards the end, the thought of doing anything to upset Gillian making her heart lurch. 

It was confusing, Caroline couldn’t be sure when she had started to see Gillian as something more than a friend. Inside she was torn between Kate and Gillian. The two women were completely different, Kate was prim and proper and Gillian.. Well Gillian couldn’t be any further from prom and proper if she tried. It was part of the attraction of Gillian that she didn’t have to act like the headteacher of a fancy academy, she could lay back on the couch rolling around laughing at just about anything with the farmer. She felt free to swear, laugh and be herself without being judged in any way at all. The same way she would never judge the brunette. Excusing the time she had referred to her as brain dead low life trailer trash. 

“It was a bit of a shock. I'll give you that Caz. Thank you though, I thought I was going to pass out last night. Wouldn’t be the first time.” The last sentence mumbled under her breath, but Caroline still managed to hear Gillian’s words.

“Would you- Will you come back to mine with me this afternoon? I don’t really like the idea of you having another panic attack and there being nobody around.” Caroline felt Gillian pulling away slightly from her, the farmer's eyes gazing up at her as a halfhearted smile appeared on her face. 

“I’ll be fine, honest. I wouldn’t want to be anymore of a burden than what I already am.” Caroline felt like reaching out and shaking Gillian, the brunette couldn’t be any further from the truth. 

All Caroline wanted to do was protect the women in any way that she could and if that meant laying awake at night to help stop the nightmares from coming back or even just being a shoulder for the women to cry on, which she was sure would inevitably be soon enough, then she would do it. 

“You are not a burden, not an embarrassment or anything else negative you may think about yourself. You’re strong Gillian but I want to be there for when you might need someone to lean on. I don’t want you to ever feel like you can’t tell me something because the truth is that I care about you, a lot and I can’t bear the thought of you suffering in silence anymore. So, would you please just come back to mine? Just for tonight so I can know you’re okay and not sitting upset by yourself.” The words came tumbling out of Caroline’s mouth before she could help herself, she couldn’t remember the last time she had ever just let her feelings take over before she could filter what she wanted to say. 

It took a moment, Gillian’s eyes gazing into her own as though gauging how much truth there was to her words but it seemed to be enough when the farmer nodded her head in agreement.  
Caroline couldn’t blame the women for being wary of anyone that cared for her, no doubt trust wasn’t something which Gillian handed out lightly and she found her heart fluttering at the thought of the farmer beginning to let her in. 

“How about I make us some breakfast while you sort out your sheep and pack an overnight bag, does that sound alright?” Caroline had subconsciously found herself offering the control back to Gillian, the woman having too much of her control ripped away before. 

Even these days she didn’t seem to be allowed to do anything without her father or Raff and even Robbie having some kind of say to how she led her life. It was time for Gillian to have her say and Caroline was going to help with that. Even starting with the smallest of things. It might have been ten years since the abuse but it was clear for Caroline to see it was still as raw and fresh as though it had only happened yesterday. 

“You know I really care about you too Caz, don’t you?” Caroline had already begun to rummage around in the fridge as she waited for Gillian's response, the words floating across the kitchen as the farmer leant against the kitchen table. 

The admission meant a lot more to Caroline than Gillian could probably imagine. It was rare for the farmer to ever be so sentimental, only ever seeing the softer side of the women when it came to her granddaughter. And yet here she was with a bashful smile on her face, a blush across her cheeks as she offered her feelings without being pushed to it. 

Pushing herself off the side of the kitchen table, Gillian tucked a strand of hair behind her ear before turning on her foot and rushing towards the stairs to no doubt shove on several layers of clothes to go tend to her flock of sheep. 

Progress was the word that sprung to Caroline’s mind. Slowly but surely she would help to bring out the Gillian she saw for everyone else to see and enjoy the same way she did. 

The Gillian she was finding herself falling for, even if she wanted to stop she knew she couldn’t.

It could all end in disaster but it was a risk Caroline was willing to take. 

~

Hopefully you enjoyed that..


End file.
